Maim, Mutilate and Destroy
CONFIDENTIAL. EYES ONLY.
Any employee found to have disclosed any part of this document to any party without prior authorization IN WRITING will be instantly dismissed and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. THIS MEANS YOU!
We at Wessex Kline have long been leaders in the area of Virtual Reality (VR) games. Now we take a giant step forward with the introduction of Maim, Mutilate and Destroy, the first game to take advantage of Hyper Reality (HR) technology.
HR is to VR as a jet fighter is to a donkey cart. For the first time ever, people can now totally immerse themselves in a Cybernetic World that feels as real as Reality itself.
In HR, if you cut yourself, you bleed. You don't just think you bleed, you really do bleed.
Break a bone and when you leave HR you will still have a broken bone. HR links the imaginary to the mundane. It dissolves the barriers between metaphor and actuality.
Make no mistake about it: if you die in HR, you stay dead. Even when the contacts between mind and Machine are broken. Even when they remove your body from the HR capsule. There is no return!
This is what makes Maim, Mutilate and Destroy a surefire winner. The risks are for real!
We aim to make the casualty rate amongst participants in the region of 50%. Market Research has shown this to be the optimum level from a sales point of view. Odds of 50/50 are seen by the public as fair and reasonable. Any higher than that and few people would be willing to risk MMD. Less than 50% would diminish the daredevil element and equally detract from sales.
However, initial tests on the beta version of MMD indicate that the casualty rate is likely to be close to 100%. This is unacceptable and needs to be rectified before the game can be released.
With this in mind, we are asking you to play MMD and report back on where you consider changes can be made to reduce the risks involved in the game. The next of kin of any member of staff not surviving MMD will receive full death benefits and a generous lump sum to offset funeral costs. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.
There now follows a complete solution to Maim, Mutilate and Destroy. This information is highly restricted. Unauthorized disclosure will be punished.
Upon entering Maim, Mutilate and Destroy, you find yourself sitting at a bar. To your left sits a lizard-like sentient being known as a Kluuga. The only other creature present is Max, the Neanderthal Bar Man.
Before doing anything else, write down as much of this solution as you can remember on the electropad in your pocket. THIS IS IMPORTANT. You will soon forget all about the world you came from and become immersed in MMD. The notes in your electropad are your ticket home.
At the insistence of Max and the Kluuga, down a glass of Happy Juice. You immediately forget about the world you came from as MMD becomes your reality.
At this point, you are aware of the following:
1. Your name is Maurice Mayday.
2. You are on Space Station Siralos, orbiting the planet Ishtar somewhere in the Crab Nebula.
3. You have a microchip implanted in your skull which contains information vital to the survival of the human race.
4. You do not know what the information is.
5. You must get yourself and the microchip back to Earth Grand Central as soon as possible.
6. There are certain parties who will stop at nothing to destroy you.
7. You can trust no-one.
8. You have an electropad.
9. In your back pocket, you have a holopic of Bill Gates, the Twentieth Century Computer Guru.
There are seven main scenes in MMD. You must visit each one and negotiate many hazards. All scenes contain at least one potentially fatal trap for you to fall into. This document does not deal with every possible variation of play. Its purpose is to outline a complete solution to the game in order to increase your chances of survival.
Scene 1: Space Station Siralos
Strike up a conversation with the Kluuga. It turns out he is a travelling salesman on a galaxy-wide tour to promote a new type of Ray Gun. Tell the Kluuga that you are thinking of buying a Ray Gun. Taking you for a sales prospect, the Kluuga whips out a sample case from a pouch in his belly and hands you a gun. Set the gun to maximum and use it on the Kluuga who lets out a ghastly scream and turns to dust. At this point, Max the Neanderthal Bar Man will be reaching for his own gun beneath the counter. DO NOT SHOOT MAX! His own gun turns out to be useless as he has not charged it for several years. Realizing he is at your mercy, Max raises his hands and smiles inanely. Spare his life and he will become your unswerving friend and ally (until Scene 3).
Max will tell you how he hates working as a bar tender and dreams of seeing Earth. It transpires that he owns a space cruiser which will get you to the nearest planet. Accept Max's offer of a lift and follow him to the space dock. Along the way, you will see doors with notices on them. These notices will say things like ‘STEP THIS WAY FOR UNTOLD WEALTH’ or ‘FREE AND UNCOMPLICATED SEX AVAILABLE HERE’. Ignore these signs and concentrate solely on your mission. At the space dock, step into Max's cruiser and secure yourself into the co-pilot's seat. You can now rest until you reach Ishtar and a malfunction forces Max to land in the courtyard of the Palace of the Space Gorgons.
Scene 2: The Palace of the Space Gorgons
As you stagger barely conscious from Max's space cruiser, you are greeted by the three most beautiful women you have ever encountered. One is barely past puberty. One is at her prime. The third is old enough to be your mother but damned attractive for all that. Their exact appearance will depend upon your own perceptions of beauty. Do not be fooled. What you are seeing is an illusion. These three sisters are the infamous Space Gorgons who are really quite hideous to behold but who can project an image of perfect beauty into human minds. Max, who is immune to the power of the Space Gorgons, will repeatedly tell you that your new hosts are bewrinkled old hags with a penchant for sucking out people's brains. LISTEN TO HIM.
Accept the dinner invitation offered by the three sisters. Do nothing to incur their wrath, otherwise they will kill you there and then. Space Gorgons prefer to eat their prey at the moment of maximum sexual arousal, but can be very impetuous. Do your utmost to remain impervious to their (false) charms. Try thinking about pot noodles, underarm odor and colostomy bags. If all else fails, look at your holopic of Bill Gates.
Dinner is in the Grand Dining Room, a pretentious affair full of baroque statues and chandeliers. After soup, you are served a main meal of steak, potatoes and mange tout. Pick delicately at the vegetables but do not touch the steak. Max eats his entire course in about ten seconds flat. Gently refuse his request for your steak.
The sisters will opportune you in turn, each offering to fulfill your most fervent, perverted sexual fantasies. Tell them you are not interested and would rather lick the sweat from a rugby player's jock strap. The Space Gorgons eventually become exasperated and assume their true form. A strong smell of ozone will warn you that they are about to do this. At the first hint of ozone, cover your eyes with the steak. Whatever you hear, do not look at the Space Gorgons, otherwise you will be turned into a quivering lump of jelly. In the meantime, Max - who is immune to their power - despatches the sisters with his steak knife. At this point, you will almost certainly feel warm blood spraying across your face. DO NOT LOOK.
With the Space Gorgons dead, Max leads you - still blindfolded by the steak - into a nearby antechamber stuffed with treasure. It is now safe to remove the steak from your eyes. Take as much gold as you can carry in your pocket and retire to the guest's bedroom for the night. In the morning, head for the large building at the back of the Palace of the Space Gorgons where you will find a sleek interstellar space yacht. Hop in and remember to take Max with you.
You have no idea how to operate the yacht, but see a red button marked ‘DAKOS’. Make sure you and Max are securely fastened in your seats and press the button. A whoosh and a roar indicate you are on your way to Dakos - whatever and wherever that may be.
Scene 3: Punishment Planet
You land on Dakos, a god-forsaken world where the only life form seems to be some sort of lichen. Get out of the space yacht and run like buggery. Within a minute of your landing, the ship is attacked and destroyed by Gowtas. A Gowta is a giant robotic fighting machine that resembles nothing more than a ten meter high stegosaurus. These Gowtas are only programmed to attack mechanical objects, so they totally ignore you and Max. But make sure they don't trample on you. Satisfied that your ship is completely broken down into its constituent atoms, the Gowtas disperse, leaving you and Max alone on a granite plain. There is no point going anywhere, so just sit down and wait.
If after several days of gnawing hunger, hot days and freezing nights, you are still alive, you will eventually see a dust cloud on the horizon. Do not run or hide. Max, at this stage, will be in a deep coma.
The cloud is raised by the hooves of some dozen Chomblas. These are the original inhabitants of Dakos and look like centaurs except that they have stripes. Resist the temptation to call them Zebra Men as this seriously pisses them off. They question you about how you got to Dakos. Tell them everything you can, honestly and fully. Offer them all the treasure you stole from the Space Gorgons in exchange for being led to safety. The leader of the Chomblas - Chukko Nar Vortex - agrees to take you and Max to the nearest human settlement which is about a day's ride away. Max is placed on the back of one of the Chomblas and you mount another. Then off you go to Kae-So-Doti - the Town in the Mountain.
When you get there, you discover that Kae-So-Doti is a prison mine and it suddenly dawns on you that you have heard of Dakos. It is a Penal Planet - home to the most desperate human convicts in the galaxy. Chukko-Nar-Vortex hands you over to the guards in exchange for a bag of oats. Do not attempt to resist as several prison guards will have their blasters trained at your head. Max - being non-human - is of no interest to the guards and he is carried away by the Chomblas, never to be seen or heard of again.
After being stripped, deloused and given a set of dungarees, you are led into the mines and told emphatically that no-one has ever escaped from Kae-So-Doti, let alone Dakos. This is not great news, but try to despair no more than you have to. You are given an electro-axe and put to work alongside some of the vilest, most unsavory psychopaths ever to grace the galaxy. Over the next few days, you will be beaten, tortured, spat upon, gang raped and generally given a hard time of things. It is important that you keep your spirits up and don't die or go raving mad. On day four, Space Marauders attack the mine, allowing the prisoners to stage a mass break out. The Marauders, though nominally out to loot the mine, have been paid by persons unknown to kill you. DO NOT FOLLOW THE OTHER PRISONERS TO THE SURFACE. Make for Shaft # 7 and keep going downwards. If you encounter any guards along the way, slash them to death with your electro-axe. Be careful not to slip on any spilled entrails.
You eventually come to a large cavern which is home to a nest of Space Vampyres.
Scene 4: The Space Vampyres
This being daytime, the Space Vampyres are asleep. Off to one side, you will find a small grotto with a white coffin. Open the coffin and you will find Thramos, King of the Space Vampyres. Pick up Thramos and carry - or drag - him to the far side of the cave where a beam of sunlight is coming through a narrow shaft. The sunlight kills and disintegrates Thramos, leaving only his clothes. Put on the clothes and open any coffin. If the coffin is empty, try another until you find one with a Vampyre in it. Use your electro-axe to cut out the Vampyre's teeth. Place the teeth in your mouth and hide in Thramos' coffin until night-fall.
When the Space Vampyres awaken, they stand in a circle awaiting your arrival. Walk to the middle of the circle and look for the Vampyre whose teeth you stole. He'll be the one holding his hand to his mouth. Denounce this Vampyre as a toothless impostor, whereupon the other Vampyres attack and destroy him.
One of the Vampyres says, ‘I'm bloody hungry. Can we eat yet?’ Say yes and the Vampyres scurry off into the mines to feed upon dead and dying prisoners. Nobody has told the Space Marauders about the Vampyres so they rather stupidly try to fight them with guns. Take advantage of the ensuing mayhem to reach the surface and steal the nearest Marauder fighter craft - the quaintly named ‘Peggy Sue’. As you reach the outer stratosphere, the onboard computer asks you if you wish to stick to your flight plan. Say yes and you are whisked away to Kinderworld.
Scene 5: Kinderworld
For reasons as yet unknown to science, children on Kinderworld never reach puberty and develop into full-grown adults. Their emotional and mental maturity is similarly stunted. Adults can survive on the planet for no longer than one Kinderworld day (approximately twenty-seven hours). The children of Kinderworld are much the same as children anywhere and depend on vast numbers of robots to look after them. The planet has no government.
You land on Funfair, an island some 200 miles by 50, given over entirely to fairground attractions. As soon as you disembark, you are surrounded by children who demand to be allowed on your ship. Acquiesce or they will kill you.
The little darlings will totally trash the ship, so you have to find another way off the planet.
Go straight to the House of Fun. Admission is free and the queue - if any - will be small. Once you are in the House of Fun, look out for a little girl crying. Ask her what the matter is and she'll show you a broken dolly called Gloria. The little girl's name is Susan. Tell her you'll fix her dolly if she'll tell you where the nearest spaceport is. She'll insist on taking you there herself, but only after you've been on the Ride of Doom together.
Take Susan on the Ride of Doom and remember to keep your head down. The ride uses real laser cannon to simulate a space battle and the lasers are set to fire just above the head level of a child.
After the ride, Susan takes you to the Metro Station and helps you get a ticket to Space Grand Central. From here on, the child is a liability so get rid of her. The best way is to throw her dolly down a garbage chute and push her in after it.
At SGC, you find that the only ship due to leave the planet within the next few hours is an unmanned Cargo Freighter. If you wait for any other craft, you will die. The good news is that the Freighter is bound for Earth. The bad news is that it's going via Subspace and few men have ever survived a journey through that mysterious realm.
A robot guards the entrance to the Space Freighter and will not let you on. It insists only freight allowed. Go to the Freight Depot, peel off a bar-coded sticker from one of the crates and head back to the Cargo Freighter. The robot picks you up and stuffs you in a ULD (Universal Load Device). Place your fingers on the door jamb of the ULD to prevent the door closing properly. This will break your fingers but stop you suffocating. Put as much padding around your body as possible to prevent being killed by the G forces on take-off. The ride through sub-space is hell but so long as you're lucky and you manage to keep hold of your identity (keep repeating, ‘I am Maurice Mayday, I am Maurice Mayday’), you should just about survive.
Scene 6: The London Underground
When you arrive on Earth, stay in the ULD. After several days, a robotruck offloads you and you are transported halfway around the world to London. The journey takes two days and is uncomfortable but generally not fatal. You end up in an underground depot.
Leave the ULD and sneak through the nearest air duct. You must time this right as the ducts are flushed with disinfecting chemicals every half hour. It's best to wait until five minutes after the next flushing to give you maximum time and allow the fumes to subside to non-lethal levels. At the end of the duct, you find a grille. On the other side, you see Knightsbridge Station. Wait until nightfall when there is no-one around. Remember, if you are caught without a ticket on the London Underground, you can be executed on the spot for fare evasion.
When the coast is clear, remove the grill and drop fifteen feet to the platform below. Try not to fall off the platform as the lines carry 150,000 volts at all times. Walk to the end of the platform furthest from the exit. There is an old door here which is protected by an electric proximity field. It hasn't been used for years and - like most of the London Underground - is in a poor state of repair. The ep-field batteries have not been recharged in living memory and have run down considerably. Force the door open and dive through. You receive a momentary blast of about 150 volts which should no more than stun you. If you become unconscious try to come too as quickly as possible, otherwise you will be eaten by mutant rats. Watching out for said rats, climb the spiral staircase to surface level. Their are 762 steps to negotiate, so pace yourself.
At the surface, stay out of sight. If you are spotted by the police, you will be arrested for vagrancy and very likely have an unfortunate accident on the way to the police station. Paramedics are equally dangerous. They will drug you and remove all your vital organs for transplants. And then there are the street gangs...
Make your way along Picadilly to Earth Central. Your journey is almost over.
Scene 7: Earth Central
The parties who have been trying to prevent you reaching Earth have spies and assassins all around Earth Central. How you get into the building without being seen and killed is up to you. No specific advise can be given on this matter as circumstances vary. You could try disguising yourself as a service droid.
In Earth Central, bluff your way up to the Security Directorate on the fifth floor where you are overpowered by a Security Drone. Explain to the Drone that you are on a secret mission. The Drone asks you for a password and at this point you realize that you have forgotten it. The drone carts you off to an interrogation room and plugs you into an tormentotron. The next few hours are exquisite agony.
Eventually, the Duty Officer comes by and decides there is no point keeping you alive. When he turns off the tormentotron, you have about five seconds before he uses his laser pistol and reduces you to ash. Say in a very clear voice, ‘I AM MAURICE MAYDAY’. He asks you for the password and this time you remember it.
The Duty Officer makes you a cup of tea and gets a doctor to examine you. It comes as no surprise to you when the doctor pronounces you more dead than alive. He confirms that you have a microchip in your brain. It is a matter of vital importance that the chip is removed immediately but the doctor announces that you will not survive an anaesthetic. There is no option but to operate on you while you are conscious.
They strap you back into the tormentotron but this time- much to your relief- they do not switch it on. A surgeo-droid is called for and duly arrives. In a few brisk moves, the droid lasers a circle around your scalp and removes the top part of your skull. It then whisks out the microchip and glues your skull back together again. There is little pain and you suffer no more than a thumping headache.
The chip contains all the information needed to defeat the enemies of humanity. Hoorah! The human race is saved and you are a hero.
They carry you off to the sick bay. As soon as you are able, slip out of your bed and dive down the nearest laundry chute. This will take you back to the real world where you will be debriefed by the MMD Design Team.